We’ve all been there. We have a big race coming up and we want to give our all to training (which includes more than just the running, like sleep and nutrition too).
But, we also have obligations as parents, spouses and at work is the ultimate struggle for most runners.
So, how do you do it? In today’s podcast episode, Coach Claire gives you some helpful tips, including…
- How to know if it’s worth prioritizing your training with a demanding life,
- How to work with your partner so both your needs are met,
- And how to fit in your training after you have kids.
To get good at running, and I mean really good at running, you need to spend a lot of time running. And not just running, but all the other things like strength and mobility work, too. Then there’s the time and effort spent paying attention to your nutrition, sleep, recovery and planning your training.
To truly be your best, or even a fraction of your best, it simply takes a lot. But when the results pay off, well, there’s nothing better than having done something hard really, really well.
**So how do you run your best and still have a life too?
On today’s episode of the Run to the Top Podcast, I’d like to address the challenges that go along with training to be as good as you can be while also having a demanding job, a spouse, a family, and just about all the other responsibilities we have as adults.
Trying to juggle everything can be pretty overwhelming and there will always be times where you drop a ball. But there are a few techniques that can help make the circus act go a little smoother.
The first place that I’d like you to start is with you. What does your training mean to you? If you love running for mainly health reasons, it’s not too difficult getting in a healthy amount of running into your week without it interfering much with the rest of your life at all.
Let’s call this kind of running “exercising.” You run for health and fitness reasons, both mental and physical.
The Center for Disease Control, The Mayo Clinic, and the American Heart Association all recommend that all adults get 150 minutes of moderate exercise a week at a minimum, which amounts to a mere 2.5 hours. Running is considered a vigorous activity and they say you only need an hour and fifteen minutes a week of that.
You can gain even more health benefits by going up to 5 hours of moderate exercise per week, but beyond that, there’s no evidence that more exercise will make you any healthier. That is less than 45 minutes per day of brisk walking.
If you are struggling to get the minimum amount of exercise for good health, the techniques I’ll go over in this episode will certainly help. But the real focus of today’s show is for those runners who run far beyond pure health and fitness goals. This is for the runners that are not just exercising, but are training.
When you are training, whether it’s for a marathon, an ultra, or whatever distance that you’d like to get really, really good at, you are going to need to dedicate a good chunk of your time to this pursuit. And when I say “really, really good,” that doesn’t have to mean you are training to be the world’s best runner or even the best runner in your house. It means you are fueled with a desire to discover what you can truly do with your body and your mind if you care enough to focus and find out.
So what is motivating you to do this? Maybe you started running for a totally different reason and you caught the bug. I got serious about running in my mid-30s trying to lose weight for my high school reunion. When I realized that I could actually be good at it, I was all in.
I have what I like to call a “worker spirit.” I like to get things done, see the results from my work and then say, “hey, I did that!” I don’t sit still very well and running is something that I saw results from relatively quickly once I started getting serious about it. With each new personal record, I wanted more and I was willing to work harder for it.
You might have different reasons for wanting to get better and better as a runner. Whatever it is, explore those motivations for a while. Think about them while you run. When you get back, write them down somewhere. You’ll need them later.
Now, if those motivations aren’t immediately clear, that’s okay. It could be that you aren’t quite fit enough to truly enjoy a good run yet, but with consistency, you’ll get there. On the other end of the spectrum, you could be a runner that’s run for so long that you don’t even really know why you run. You’re just a runner.
Or you could be someone that likes the idea of running consistently, but something keeps holding you back. That is something that you’ll want to explore before signing up for a race that requires a huge training commitment.
Your motivation, or your big “why”, is a critical part of training to be your best. You’ll have to sacrifice other things in your life to commit to training and if you are just not that into it, it’s just not a great idea. There are plenty of other ways in life to be happy, fulfilled, and accomplished other than dragging yourself through marathon training if it’s not really your thing.
But if you’ve got your why dialed, now’s the time to talk about the how. How in the world do you carve out 8, 10, 15 hours a week or more to become the greatest version of yourself when you have a spouse and kids and a house and a job and elderly parents to take care of and everything else in your life?
The overly simple answer is planning. But just because it’s simple doesn’t make it easy.
If you are single, you don’t need to collaborate with anyone, other than maybe your work schedule. You can choose to wake up early to run, run on your lunch break, or run after work. The weekends are pretty much up to you and running long shouldn’t be too challenging.
When you add a spouse or a partner, things start to change. If your alarm goes off at 5am for your run and your partner isn’t happy about getting woken up, your running has just caused an issue in your relationship. Perhaps this is a minor issue, but it’s always a good idea to communicate with your partner before you inconvenience them.
You can say something like, “running early is really important to me, but I don’t want to wake you up. Are you able to fall back asleep? Is there a better way we can handle this?” Perhaps you’ll find that it doesn’t really bother your partner that much. Or maybe you’ll find a different solution, such as running after work, but there will have to be a compromise.
The truth is that everyone living with a runner who is training hard for something is going to be a little annoyed or inconvenienced by you at some point. Would your partner be mad at you if you had to wake up that early to go to work? Hopefully, they would be understanding if it’s for work, so why not your running?
Now, I know what some of you are saying at this point. Running is not your job, thankfully. You are nowhere near the professional level and this is actually just a hobby. Sure, running is awesome and getting better at that race you are training for would be great and running the Boston Marathon would be great and you really could get there if you just had a little more time to train and you know you could do it and man, wasn’t that last race amazing…and on and on.
If you can relate to that, then running is not your hobby. And it’s not your job. It’s your passion. And that is the reason why getting up at 5am is important to you. In fact, it is critical to you. And that is what you need to express to your partner.
Hopefully, the person you fell in love with has passions too and will be understanding and supportive. Talk to your partner about their passions and ask how you can support them. It doesn’t have to be completely transactional where you do this and they do that in exchange, but try to be the partner that you’d like to have.
In a perfect world when you say, “honey, I don’t want to wake you at 5am when I’m going running,” your partner will say, “that’s okay, babe! I want to wake up at 5am and we can go running together!” And the two of you will run off into the dark together jogging happily ever after.
That is, until you have kids.
Kids will add a completely new element into your life and into your running. For women, pregnancy and postpartum are major game changers to your fitness and I’ll need to save those topics for future episodes.
When you have really little kids, your time is no longer your own and all the planning in the world will all go down the drain when kids are involved. Getting your runs in will be much more difficult and perhaps even impossible unless you have help. Hopefully, you and your partner are good communicators and support each other as parents and as people because this is more important than ever.
Only one of you is going to be able to run at 5am at this point, so work out a plan with your partner so that you both are prioritizing your needs because that will make you both better parents.
If you have family in town that can help or you can afford some childcare that is certainly a luxury but I realize that this is not the case for many, many people. Single parents have it the hardest, of course, but I do have a few suggestions when you need to run but have to parent at the same time.
The cheapest option is to make some friends with kids and swap child care. Perhaps you have a running buddy with kids and you can watch hers while she runs and then swap. Or maybe you have a friend with kids that likes to do something completely different, but the swap still works out for your runs. When you don’t have a lot of options, you have to get creative, even if it’s out of your comfort zone.
Another option is the jogging stroller. It’s amazing what you can do during nap time and most little ones love riding along for your run.
As they get older, they’ll be able to scooter, bike, or rollerblade next to you for some of your runs and it’s a great way to introduce your kids to a lifetime of fitness.
Other options include finding a gym with childcare included or buying a home treadmill. Yes, these are bigger expenses, but if it’s truly important to you, there is a way.
Now let’s say you do have a supportive partner willing to support your passion. You get up at 5am to run while he attempts to sleep in. Hopefully most mornings everyone is still asleep when you get home and you all go about your day. But then the weekend comes and you need to get your long run in. Unless you still want to wake up at 5am on Saturdays, you’ll most likely want to run a little later and hope your partner is cool with parenting duty.
When you get home you are sweaty, starving, and exhausted and all you want to do is lay on the floor all day. That might fly when your kids are really little and love to crawl all over Mommy, but that’s not going to cut it when your house gets more active. Not to mention, your partner has just done the heavy lifting changing diapers and making pancakes while you were out running. It’s your turn to step up to the parenting plate.
So yeah, you’ve got to find an extra gear and be awesome. Your partner is doing an incredibly generous and supportive thing by helping you pursue your passion. What are you doing for them? Being grateful and generous to your amazing partner is the bare minimum.
A great idea is to plan a relaxing activity with the kids after you’ve eaten and showered. Maybe that’s a Saturday movie, playing games on the floor, reading books together, doing a puzzle, or whatever your family likes to do to relax. That way, your tired legs get a break and you look like a hero.
The key to making this all work is working with your partner if you have one, or creating a support community if you don’t. You might decide at certain times that you need to shift your focus away from serious training because you simply can’t devote the time. Or if you are a marathon runner, there might be a time where you downshift to 5k training because it doesn’t require the same time investment. Changing up your running focus can actually be great for your running, so don’t be afraid of mixing things around.
If you’re passionate about your training, but you also have a life full of responsibilities, remember that you don’t have to choose one or the other. Perfect balance is a complete myth and so is perfection. Good enough training is almost always good enough, just like good enough parenting is usually good enough. You’re not going to get a medal for being the world’s best runner but you might get a coffee cup that says World’s Best Mom.
But please don’t give up your passion. Our passions are what bring meaning and texture to life. Most people don’t get paid for their passions but that doesn’t make them any less valuable. In fact, I would venture to say that part of the joy of training is that we are simply doing it for ourselves, not for the money or to put food in the mouths of our kids. It feels amazing to be an athlete and to show our kids that hard work pays off, being fit matters, and doing hard things well is the best thing there is.
So have a solid training plan but prepare to be flexible and creative with it. Communicate well with your partner and support system, and don’t forget to be humble, grateful, and reciprocal.
You really can be the best athlete that you can be, but it takes a lot more than just running to get there.
I am one of the lucky people that actually does my passion for a living and I couldn’t do it without your downloads, shares, subscribes, and reviews. Thank you for listening and I am humbled and grateful for your support with every episode.
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